Everyone likes to be right. There’s a satisfaction when your memory of the facts turns out to be right and you can claim some victory. You knew what you were talking about!
Have you noticed how some people have gravitated from “being right” about facts to “being right” about their opinions and beliefs?
This often becomes very pronounced among married couples and others in long term relationships. There’s a tendency to confuse facts with opinions. We rarely argue about facts. If you had a factual dispute over what color was the neighbors downstairs bathroom painted, you could simply cruise over there and find out.
End of argument. Facts stand by themselves.
Arguments about opinions, priorities, preferences, are not quite so simple. One person says, “we need a new pickup.” The other says, “we cannot afford it.” Both can typically make very convincing arguments, at least to themselves, that they are right. Opinions manipulate facts for the benefit of the person offering it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, except when you confuse it with the absolute truth about a matter.
When you hold fast to your opinion because you think you are right, you are entering dangerous territory. It is easy to forget at those times that you are manipulating the facts typically to serve what you want to happen. We become emotionally rigid and unyielding perhaps countered by the other persons unyielding position which we tend to label as “unreasonable”.
We need to search for an alternative to “being right” as the sole reason for joint decisions to fall your way.
Certainly there are times where you have to take a principled stand on what you think is best. On the other hand, going along with the other conveys caring and that you value pleasing the other. When this message is received, it communicates kindness and encourages closeness.
This stance can create a lot of “yes, buts”, and I understand that. Perhaps it’s worth having a conversation about this subject with your spouse. Who knows what it will lead to.